I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
