There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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