i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
