it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just found a bag of teeth...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
