the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
