you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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