With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
