Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
