I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
