I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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