I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
