I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
try to milk me bitch
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