it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
