That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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