i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
