I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
