We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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