just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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