you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
sarcasm needs its own font
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize