He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
