shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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