you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
