So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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