this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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