Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
