Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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