those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
please come you make the beer taste better
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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