hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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