I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Randomize
