don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
