i barfeds in our rink
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
