I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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