Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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