Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
