I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
