I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
