there's paper in my vomit.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
