We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
