so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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