Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
