My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
