I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
