It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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