look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
