saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
