I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
