I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
