I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
