His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
