i just sent this text using only my big toe
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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