I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
