Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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