the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
