census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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