If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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