Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
