It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize