I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When are your genitals available?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
