I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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