Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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