You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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