Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
