Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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