I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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