That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
