The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize